I’ve noticed many times the same lame-ass ad for how many eyes do you see on this baby? What kind of scam is this? It almost made me want to click, but I remembered that ads are better than the companies they represent. I have a better one:
How many fingers do you see these ladies holding up?
The government did something right with our taxes for a change. That’s what I thought. Waging your war against options for social mobility and public opportunity by promoting a worldview that even Greenspan admitted was flawed… Phony Reaganmania has bitten the dust, kids.
Yet another reason why I don’t like to go into Oakland much. The story is halfway down the page. Glad it wasn’t my car. People need to chill out. You’d think with all the weed that circulates in that part of Pittsburgh the people would be more mellow and chill. Nope. I can’t image what would happen if they actually tried to crack down in that area like they did in Lawrenceville… hmmm… Anyway, Pittsburgh’s burning!
Obama is showing a great deal of wisdom with his public openness in dealing with the Daschle controversy. A wise man carefully monitors the actions of foolish people and does everything to avoid acting in such ways. When you get advice from your parents, it’s usually bred out of their own past screw ups. Ask them about it. Make them give you a full story and you may see why your parents are wiser than you. You don’t want to wind up repeating an embarassment with irreversable consequences. As far as the criticism of Obama as pretentious, yes. All politicians are pretentious. They’re politicians. At least Obama has shown honesty and a lack of foolhardy self-righteousness. I hate that I’m sticking up for a politician, but how often do you hear a politician say “I screwed up” before it became a visible problem. Not often at all.
With all this violence between Israel and Palestine, I think it would be a good time to highlight the real perpetrator in this spiral of violence. Not Jews, not Muslims… Christians. Yes. Christians are the real enemy. After all it was Christians who had been waging two campaigns of Crusades, Christians who slaughtered the most Muslims during these conquests and the Inquisitions, it was Roman control of the Holy Lands that stripped Jews their God-given right to worship in accordance with the Torah, it was Protestants that sent Jews to death camps and Christians who just twiddled their thumbs in the aftermath. I say these two nations should come together and storm the Vatican where the Antichrist is seated, give the Anglican Church a real schism and occupy all the clergy from which real antisemtism is held and not the panic-mongering nationalist propaganda chain.
People aren’t dying in the name of religion over there. Only Christians kill in the name of religion. Don’t believe me, ask Mary Worth about the Puritans. How dare these people get the audacity to say their religions are corrupt for allegedly inciting battles. My religion trumps yours by 2000 years of pure terror. Live in peace, Israel. Stop picking fights with Palestine. And Palestine, you’d do well to read about Thoureau and Gandhi and Martin Luther King. Stop launching rockets because the word “terrorist” has become a powerful propaganda buzzword.
Rustbelt ribbons flow all through her hair -
that satin-stained, Dixie girl of jazz
and her distant dagger-throwing stare
break horny gawks of truckers who dare
whistle wildly at her titties as
rustbelt ribbons flow all through her hair.
And though they disgust, they do not care;
they only see the nice ass she has
and her distant dagger-throwing stare.
But something strange has filled the air.
It does not sound like a Cajun jazz,
it sounds like Dixie’s become a spazz!
SHIT, SHE GOT A KNIFE!!!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…
The end.
Just thought I’d chime into the hype to make the modest suggestion that Presidential candidates and their wives (or husbands in the future perhaps) just flat out wear nothing to these great innaugural parties. The emperor needs new clothes. Perhaps I’m the dirty little brat that sees all this fashion fixation as a superficial attempt to make power seem pretty and watching the trends makes me convinced that skin will one day be really in. “Oh, it looks smashing!” “Fabulous, darling. Simply fabulous.” “Ey, ‘ee ain’t go’ no’ing on!” McLuhan was quite right. It’s the antisocial brat who has not been well-adjusted to the arbitrary trends of interest and actually sees the new environment. The medium is quite the massage. Fashion in new media is now such an easy stunt. Now we can instantly track trends, discuss and discover receptions, compare fashion statements across the global village and follow the currents off a cliff… Yaaaaaaaaaay.
Before you write off Obama as a prime example of the “cult of personality” in America, realize that American pop-culture is heavily rooted in the cult of personality, that marketing in the contemporary sense is an appeal to American pop-culture and that presidential campaigns are in reality merely marketing campaigns for career-oriented politicians. The oval office is not an executive branch of government that seeks to defend the constitution and safeguard the interests of the people from the interests of legislators, it is an icon of the constantly-evolving, ever-manipulated market that was once called the public. Res publica is really a plutocratic logocracy. Remember the Maine! Manifest Destiny! War on Terror! Hope.
I love how it conveniently culminates in Hope. We tore this world to ruin and now the best advice we get is “hang in there, don’t lose confidence.” Each year, our language is reduced to Euphamisms as a result of the desire to soften public anger. When words lose their meaning, when the power of words is taken out of the hands of the people, democracy weakens.
McLuhan shines his prophetic light: “At the speed of light, policies and political parties yield place to charismatic images.” While I feel Obama proves to be a good leader, I can’t help but wonder if the media objectively captures the real Obama. News sources seem to flood the reports with personality and government receptions and not how he is preparing, what actions he has taken or any of his method patterns. Or perhaps we’re again applying the methods of the old to the environments of the new? In any case, at least the hasty, ideological and incompetent administration of the past has left.
while us legitimate, courageous and motivated political activists go out and fight the shitstem. 
And just as a message to the political mainstream, we countercultural, new leftists and far-left political activists have nothing to do with the delusional doom-machine, conspiracy, anti-Semite, unreasonably-speculative conspiracy theory championing quacks that call themselves leftists. Laugh-tists is a more appropriate term.
To the supporters of the politics of doom: hurry up and drink your Kool-aid already. Maybe the redpill will get lodged in your spineless throat. Do people take this warning of iminant threat seriously. No. In fact, you all discredit the left and far-left wing political action, our goals, our perspectives and our values. There is no Zionist conspiracy, no Freemason take over, no New World Order, no monolithic usurpation of the rule of law. In fact, the rule of law is the problem. Government is a conspiracy. Period. Aliens didn’t take over, powerful careerist politicians did. You think the constitution means anything other than a rosy-sounding bit of PR from the privileged classes? In the words of Michel Foucault, “language is oppression.” Ask the Indians about the constitution and you might be surprised to hear the possibility that the whole thing was mostly plagiarized. Power does what it wants and it is not intimidated by your acts of left-wing defeatism and your go-nowhere movement. Congrats.
How about instead of sitting in a pile of depression, desperation, doom and overbearing intellectual arrogance actually do something beneficial for the promotion of leftist vision? Anything. Work at a food bank, join a nonprofit, write an editorial offering solutions to local problems, plant a tree, join a thinktank. It can even be as small as moving into hemitage in the mountains of Montana so we don’t have to hear your half-brained theses of bad-trip-tinged government takeovers. Wait for the system to collapse away from sane, rational society and we’ll come over and tell you when we’ve dismantled the overarching hierarchies and have constructed real democracy, okay? It don’t happen overnight, maybe not even in our lifetimes, so be wise and avoid procreating in the mountains. Doom. Doom. Doom. Why even fucking bother? We’re all screwed anyway. I mean, Goddamn, with this reptilian breed taking over the government. (Advice: Don’t drop acid before watching C-SPAN). We’re doomed, man.
DOOMED!
Oh look, chocolate cake!
I wake up tomorrow, and America doesn’t look battered to ruin quite like Palestine. I wake up the next day and California’s still contiguous to the mainland. I wake up after that and I don’t see a volcano emerging from the center of Oakland (though sometimes, I’d like to). Hey, maybe life is just fucked up beyond our comprehension and we are among the lucky bastards who haven’t felt the greatest brunt of God’s wrathful annoyance with our arrogance about life. But we know the truth. The government hides it from us. Not the truth about where our tax dollars go. Not the truth about the military industrial complex. Not the truth about drugs. The truth is… Masonic Extraterrestrial Jews with the eye of providence plastered on their noses are infiltrating our perfectly functional, communication-conscious government and are planning world domination as we speak to turn our self-righteous, nationalist culture into a functional cosmopolitan panocracy.
Hey, that actually doesn’t sound half bad considering the state of the world. Maybe doom is kinda good. But we know who dropped the towers, we know Bin-Laden was a hologram projected from the starship enterprise and that it was all planned by tweedle-dee (Rumsfeld) and tweedle-dum (Bush) who couldn’t even plan an effective siege on Iraq short of throwing all our hard-earned money in a toilet for that project. If there’s some other third party behind this madness supposedly directing this plot from a safe distance, I’d like to meet the bastard so I can give him a few lessons on world domination. First off, don’t hire idiots.
And don’t say the experiences of any drug-induced trip are of literal truth unless you have blown your consciousness beyond the realm of physicality and realize that we are all one big vat of expanding energy connected to the universe and that life is merely a flowering expression of that single consciousness which is God and life is a dream, death is merely an illusion, and we are all the products of a divine energy slowly working to bring the pieces back together. Doom is but the product of the cowardly, negative and destructive energy that is Satan seeking to remanifest itself in the world to make us believe that we are apart from God, we are all individuals and that death is both horrible and certain. Cling to your materialist worldview, oh doomsters. Death is not real because it doesn’t exist. Suffering is just the magical illusion of Satan. Until we all come together like our lives are interconnected, the world will still feel like one big, maniacal plot to kill us all.
so I will do a visual representation instead…
via wojofoto’s flickr photostream
via whatwouldjesusdo.wordpress.com
via johnnysalami.net
via smithmag.net
Let’s solve the theodicy question. Right now. Is God ominscient and omnipotent and omnibenevolent? Yes. Proof? Drugs.
There are many times when humans should have been wiped from the face of the Earth because we act all hard-ass and stuck up like the fake sonsofbitches that we are. And when God started to think “Hmm… How can I get rid of these pests? Ruining my beautiful creation! Let’s see… wildfires? Flesh-eating locusts? Oh! I have it! Waterbourne diseases that affect only humans!” He realized that humans are also infinitely dumb in their fake, big-egoed machinations and decided that they might find salvation eventually. But the waters were still contaminated. Not by any act of God, but because humans were shitting in their drinking water like the filthy rodents we are. The irony kills me. God looked down and thought “those poor bastards! I don’t even have to try, they’ll kill themselves if it weren’t for me.”
So God sent a message via D-mail (that’s dream mail, the official carrier of divine messages) to a group of monks in the Briton Isles. These were educated men, mind you. But when they were finally given a set of straightforward instructions with unmistakeable applications devoid of any obscure metaphysical symbolism, they had to confer with countless other educated people. Alchemists, poets, astrologers and politicians (yes, politicians were educated then) were called to the table to try to figure out what this vision meant.
grain powder water yeast
pot for cooking tubes a nice oak barrel
Mix the grain in water. Cook until a nice thick carmelled liquid is made. Add yeast. Ferment for a night. Boil again in the sealed pot with tubes running out to collect the vapor and condense it to a new container. Store in an oak barrel to taste. Enjoy. -God
What could this mean? It wasn’t until a local peasant piped up and said “It’s for booze!” that the discussion went anywhere. “Shut him up,” a friar sneered. As two militia men led the intruder out, the friar popped a thought bubble. “I got it! It’s for booze!” God not only gave an above-and-beyond solution to the problem, He had the grace to give us a (really tasty, might I add) life-saving drink that would be enjoyed for centuries to come. And after drinking the “water of life” as it had been called, the rodent humans avoided drinking their own shit and were saved from waterbourne illness.
To answer the theodicy question: Yes God is infitely wise and loving. And why is there suffering? Because humans are infinitely dumb and depraved. And the conflict between divine love and human stupidity continues to be the great cosmic battle. Satan is a businessman and a politician. The adversary is not some evil external force, it is very internal and present in humans. We cause ourselves to suffer. Imagine if we rejected God offering us a round. Hellfire and damnation I can assure you. We suffer because we freak out over the dumbest of things and when a real crisis is impending, we ignore it (cause greed is good, man). And perhaps that’s why God put weed here on the planet – to propagate a culture of stoners who try to remind us it just… it isn’t… oh, fuck it. Only agents of Satan would fear the Apocalypse, mind you. Jesus is sitting back with his Che Guevara t-shirt chanting “Down with the system! Down with Babylon! You thought you could get rid of me by nailing me to a cross! HAHAHAHAHA! Just wait till God brings in the revolution!” The whole bloody thing called life gets out of hand. I’ve sat in enough smoke-filled rooms with happy left-wingers with fingers craving the trigger like a nice menthol cigarette ready for revolution to give life something to be worthwhile for and I’ve had nights with classy yuppie hipsters looking for love and excitement and I’ve had days hearing the profound sob-story laments of poorfolk that just want a couple of my fries (you can have my whopper, buddy. that story was amazing) to figure out what the meaning of it all is.
Is God siding with the working-class bohemian? Is He siding with the rich-bitch bohemian? He’s siding with the bohemian who’s had enough of the bullshit and just wants a friggin’ burger, man. The point to life? Ha! Life is not pointy at all, you fools! Life is round. Living is the point. And helping others to find life is the main attraction. We can stay on this roller-coaster economy. Or we can build a new one. Right now. An economy of love, baby. And let it spill over until trickling down is irrelevant. We can take this 500 billion dollar military budget and instead of creating dissarray so that our wealth distribution remains in the ever-erecting phallic shape it is, spend it feeding the poor, building schools, encouraging innovation and mutual profit for all. We can stop moving opportunities arround to benefit the elite and start locally, fostering more choices, smaller corporate structure, and more fair competition. We can give the ownership of every factory to the people who run them because the capitalist models of distribution are ineffective, exploitative and irrelevant. We can start coming over to the ghettos not with a police brigade, but a can of paint and some shingles, maybe have iced tea on the porch with the struggling families and build real community. We can bring the system down without violence and coercion, but with real work, real rewarding work and watch the cities really light up as we work together to come up with energy alternatives and local, regional economies. Wishful thinking? If there is anything that history can teach us, it’s that anything is possible that people put their minds to and mutually agree to work for. Dr. King didn’t pack any heat. Didn’t need to and what did blacks gain? The most monumental legislations that our country passed are the result of people coming together. The most profound cultural transformations happened as a result of people’s willingness to get up and seize it.
Wishful thinking? If you see litter on the ground, pick it up. If someone cuts you off, just chill. Light up a cigarette. Whatever it takes. Don’t try to act better than other people or bring people down. Don’t judge, bring everyone to the table without discrimination. Start volunteering. Do something really productive instead of trying to be the fake, classy, holier-than-thou piece of shit that you would like to be. Wishful thinking? I think we’re all California Dreaming here. When God offers you a round, you better not refuse.